My Little Lady

I don’t know what to say about my little girl lately.  Little Bee has had a hard six months and I have had a hard six months with her.  Ever since she figured out that the baby was coming, she’s been a mess.  At first she stopped cooperating with bedtime, then she stopped sleeping through the night, then she grew whiny and disobedient.  It has been rough; especially when I am around, especially if I have the baby. 

She is such a sensitive thing, and so much like me in a lot of ways, which is a mercy and helps me understand her.  I feel so sorry for her because she is too little to understand her little feelings and I don’t know how to help her deal with them.  I also don’t know how to help her get through some days without being perpetually in trouble.  The truth is that I am not good with little children in general, even when I love them, and I have had a very hard time figuring out how to discipline her in a way that still communicates love to her.  Being sleep deprived does not help me with this affliction.   

I feel terrible, because a lot of the time, I haven’t even wanted to have her around.  I have been really sad because I used to enjoy her so much and then she changed.  I have had to start looking through old pictures and videos just to remind myself, that it wasn’t always a struggle between us.  I have been given a few moments of grace here and there that are really the only things that encourage me that it will get better.  She still has moments, usually at least one a day when she is indescribably cute or funny.  She really does love her brother when she isn’t having a fit of jealousy, and it is really sweet when she decides that she wants to help take care of him.  She is also generous with him and excited to have him play with her when he gets bigger.  I hope these two things stick. 

Also, I am so thankful for the women who watch her at church on Sunday.  While, I am still not thrilled about letting her play rather than sit through worship with us, it is nice to hear on a regular basis, that she is the most cooperative of the children and often the best behaved.   I have really needed to hear that she is capable of being quiet, obedient, and helpful.  Finally, I am so thankful for my mom, who keeps telling me over and over that this phase will pass and she will be my delightful little girl again eventually.  Apparently I was just the same when I was two. 

The events of the past few months have convinced me to look in to finding a preschool to send Bee to two days a week.  This is a big change for me because provided that Izzy can find a job someday, I intend to homeschool.  Part of my decision is because it is time for her to start learning some self-discipline and some basic learning habits, and as good a stay-at-home dad as Izzy is, he isn’t going to teach her these things.  While I have started to work with her when I get home from work, I have also learned my limits with kids this age, and her in particular right now and I think she would be best served by beginning to learn from someone who is not me so that we can get on better when it is time to start teaching her myself.  So I am looking around for a Montessori preschool that will take her for only two mornings a week.