She's Three!

My little princess spent a lot of time playing in the mud in the garden at Fairytale Town

My first little baby turned three today.  I took the day off to throw her a party at Fairytale Town, her favorite place in the world these days.  We let her wear her Halloween costume early because it was the best way I could find to throw a princess party that had mostly boys for guests.  One of the great things about living in the city is being close to so many great parks and museums.  Fairytale Town is the perfect place for toddlers with so many things to climb on as well as interactive learning areas like the vegetable garden.

I am so proud of my little girl.  Even though she has been acting out since the arrival of her brother, she is such a good girl.  She is truly full of sugar and spice.  She is really sweet and compassionate, but she's also a little fighter.  While she is mostly a happy child, she generally end up doing most things the hard way just because she once she makes up her mind about how she is going to do something, she doesn't consider whether there is a better way when obstacles arise. 

This picture above captures her perfectly.  She wants to be a little princess and wear fancy dresses, but she isn't going to let that stop her from climbing, rolling on the ground, or playing in the mud. 

She is so smart and curious about the world around her.  I am continually surprised by the things she says and what she knows about the world without anyone instructing her.  I am so excited to see how she continues to learn and grow this year. 

Sleeping with Babies 2

These posts started for me to process my thoughts on my babies' sleep as I try to encourage one to resume sleeping and as I try to make the best decisions regarding the other.
Before Ezra was born, I decided I wanted him in my bed. I didn't even really give Izzy room to weigh in, though he understands if he doesn't agree. We bought an (expensive) tray for him to sleep in on the bed and set up his mini-crib in our room "for later".

The morning Ezra was born after Tuesday and Jennifer, the midwives, were done with us for good, I held him in my arms and went to sleep. This was one of the many blessings of the home birth. After our first sleep, I intended to put him in his tray but most of the time he slept better in my arm so I broke all the rules and kept doing it. Ezra ha gas issues for several week and most nights would only relax and sleep deeply when I held him.




While I didn't prefer to hold him while I slept, I preferred to keep him free in the bed. Izzy spent most nights in the office because he thought the baby's little grunts were too loud so it was just the two of us. I really loved having him right with me, but when the gas subsided, I got Ezra used to the tray in the interest of having my husband return to our bed. He took to the tray okay, but he liked to snuggle and took advantage of the open lower half to wiggle over to wherever I was in the bed. Since he is such a quiet baby, regardless of what Izzy says, he usually only succeeded in waking me up to eat or sleep by kicking me.
Recently I moved Ezra to his crib. He was moving around the bed so much while I was sleeping, I was afraid that he would fall off. The crib protects him from falling and from his sister. I am sad to not have him next to me, but I am glad to have my husband back full time. Eventually I will move the baby to his and Phoebe's room, but not soon. I still want him close both for convenience and because I like having him. I also don't think Bee is ready to share. For now, we will continue waking up with all four of us in the same room until I feel like it is time for a change.

Four and One

Today I woke up to find Bee next to me staring at her hands. She had four fingers out on one hand and one finger out on the other hand. When she saw I was awake, she said, "Four and one." I asked her how many that made since I have been told by those who see more of her than I do that she adds. It took her a minute to get to five. Then she rearranged her fingers and asked me to show her eight. I helped her hold out five and three fingers on her and and we talked about how five and three together are eight. She eventually got it, though I am not sure she'll hold on to the idea for long. She isn't quite three yet.

I am realizing that this is how Phoebe learns best - informally and on her own terms. On the few occasions that I have sat her down to try and teach her things in a conventional way, it hasn't gone well. Instead she usually shows me what she knows and responds when I show her a little more. She will sit still for Bible stories, and sometimes she will cooperate if learning feels like playing, but otherwise she won't have it. This is why I am convinced that if I have to send her to preschool, a Montessori school will be best.

Moments like this one show me how much I am missing while I am at work. My mom tells me stories about Bee showing off her adding and reasoning skills and Izzy tells me how she helps make yogurt and prepare dinner. I miss these things. They are part of what I give up by working to support the family.

It isn't like I miss everything. I am thankful for the time I do get and that i work close enough to home to have as much time as I do. Last week Bee helped me plant seeds for fall and yesterday we picked tomatoes and strawberries and collected eggs together.

My other consolation is that the baby has persistently shown me all of his new skills before he shows anyone else. Today I got to see him almost push himself up on his hands and knees!

My Little Lady

I don’t know what to say about my little girl lately.  Little Bee has had a hard six months and I have had a hard six months with her.  Ever since she figured out that the baby was coming, she’s been a mess.  At first she stopped cooperating with bedtime, then she stopped sleeping through the night, then she grew whiny and disobedient.  It has been rough; especially when I am around, especially if I have the baby. 

She is such a sensitive thing, and so much like me in a lot of ways, which is a mercy and helps me understand her.  I feel so sorry for her because she is too little to understand her little feelings and I don’t know how to help her deal with them.  I also don’t know how to help her get through some days without being perpetually in trouble.  The truth is that I am not good with little children in general, even when I love them, and I have had a very hard time figuring out how to discipline her in a way that still communicates love to her.  Being sleep deprived does not help me with this affliction.   

I feel terrible, because a lot of the time, I haven’t even wanted to have her around.  I have been really sad because I used to enjoy her so much and then she changed.  I have had to start looking through old pictures and videos just to remind myself, that it wasn’t always a struggle between us.  I have been given a few moments of grace here and there that are really the only things that encourage me that it will get better.  She still has moments, usually at least one a day when she is indescribably cute or funny.  She really does love her brother when she isn’t having a fit of jealousy, and it is really sweet when she decides that she wants to help take care of him.  She is also generous with him and excited to have him play with her when he gets bigger.  I hope these two things stick. 

Also, I am so thankful for the women who watch her at church on Sunday.  While, I am still not thrilled about letting her play rather than sit through worship with us, it is nice to hear on a regular basis, that she is the most cooperative of the children and often the best behaved.   I have really needed to hear that she is capable of being quiet, obedient, and helpful.  Finally, I am so thankful for my mom, who keeps telling me over and over that this phase will pass and she will be my delightful little girl again eventually.  Apparently I was just the same when I was two. 

The events of the past few months have convinced me to look in to finding a preschool to send Bee to two days a week.  This is a big change for me because provided that Izzy can find a job someday, I intend to homeschool.  Part of my decision is because it is time for her to start learning some self-discipline and some basic learning habits, and as good a stay-at-home dad as Izzy is, he isn’t going to teach her these things.  While I have started to work with her when I get home from work, I have also learned my limits with kids this age, and her in particular right now and I think she would be best served by beginning to learn from someone who is not me so that we can get on better when it is time to start teaching her myself.  So I am looking around for a Montessori preschool that will take her for only two mornings a week. 

Broken

Last weekend I was working on bumper pads for the baby's crib.  Phoebe, who has become immensely clingy, was sitting on my lap while I cut the fabric.  This little girl has taken it well to heart that one is not to break things.  As I was cutting she kept telling me, "You're breaking it!"  She was really distressed.  I finally stopped working and explained to her that sometimes we break things on purpose so that we can make them into something better.  I was taking the piece of fabric and making something for Baby Brother to use. 

After I said that to her, I realized what a good metaphor that was for how God works.  Not that He necessarily always does the breaking of things, though sometimes he does, but He certainly takes broken things and makes better things out of them. 

Little did I know that this would also be a prophetic reminder for me this week.  I'm just waiting to see how things are going to get better...

Potty Training

A few months ago Izzy and I started trying to potty train our daughter.  We have been eagerly waiting for her to be ready, and when we saw the signs, we started teaching her about the potty.  Most of this teaching is left to my husband since he is the one who is home with her all day, but I have done as much as I can when I am around.

At this point, I can say that Bee likes sitting on the potty (for about 15 seconds at a time), loves toilet paper, and loves the routine of flushing the potty, and washing her hands.  She also enjoys that when she says "pee-pee" or "poo-poo," everything stops so we can go find a toilet.  She uses this knowledge liberally whenever she wants to change locations or circumstances.  However, Bee only has intermittent interest in actually going in the potty. 

I have read countless articles on potty training, forwarded many of them to Izzy, and attempted every "potty train in only a day or two" method myself.  None of those methods have worked. (Since every proponent of these methods has multiple kids, and did not use them on their first child, I have decided that they don't work with first children.  Feel free to prove me wrong.)  Meanwhile, everyone who watches Bee has made an effort to honor her requests to use the toilet and make a big deal every time she actually does use the toilet for it's intended purpose. 

I have come to realize that two of the three members of my household are not committed to make any effort to potty training Bee that interferes with other immediate interests.  The problem for me lies in the fact that one of these two is the subject herself, the other is the one who is around for the bulk of her waking hours, and neither of these individuals is me.

It was this realization that caused me to try every one of the three "one-day" potty training methods, since that is exactly the amount of time I have to commit to this effort myself.  I have since realized that my child requires a different kind of training; one that I can't provide.

I find myself having to relax and wait for Izzy to decide to potty train in something resembling a purposeful manner, or for Bee to decide for herself that she would rather use the toilet than go in her diapers.  Knowing my family as I do, my money is on Bee deciding to train herself.  Either way, I am up for a long wait. 

In the meantime, I continually remind myself that no one is really hurt because Bee is still in diapers.

It Happens So Soon

My mom bought my daughter a beautiful dress.  It is a brown halter dress with pink flowers embroidered on the bodice and waist.

Last Sunday I wanted to dress her in it, but when I pulled it out of the closet in the morning, she said "no" and pointed at a different dress.  I put her in the dress she chose.  Later that afternoon, when she had dirtied the dress she picked out, I took the brown dress and put it on her.  She protested but I prevailed and got it on her. 

All day she had been telling me how pretty my dress was.  After I got the brown dress on her, she told me again that my dress was pretty.  We had quite the conversation about how her dress was pretty too, and eventually she reluctantly agreed.

That evening, when we took the dress off, she looked at the dress, pointed, and said "no".  I got the picture that she doesn't like the dress.  She looks beautiful in it, but she doesn't think it is pretty.  She has started favoring certain colors, and brown isn't one of them.  Have I mentioned she isn't even two yet? 

I told my mom about the incident and she said that Bee did the same thing in the store when she bought the dress.  My mom knew Bee didn't like the dress, but she bought it anyway because it was so pretty.  I knew Bee didn't like the dress, but I made her wear it because I knew she would be beautiful in it. 

I didn't think it was a big deal to put her in the dress.  However, today I remembered how much I hated it when my mom made me wear dresses I didn't like.  I was a lot older than Bee is now, but as I thought about it, I decided that it is important to respect her opinions and allow her some autonomy, particularly when it concerns something so unimportant as what she wears.  She is her own little person with her own opinions and it is in her best interest if I respect them, especially when it concerns something insignificant like what color clothes she wears. 

I was always prepared that some day she would start having opinions about her clothes, but I thought it would be a little longer before this happened.  I am even more confused because she doesn't protest against the crazy mismatched outfits her daddy puts her in on the regular. 

I love that dress and I will probably continue to try to convince her that it is pretty and she ought to wear it, but I probably won't make her wear it against her will.  Maybe she will change her mind. 

If I can get a picture of Bee in the dress, I'll post it just to show how pretty she is in it.