Today was one of the hardest days I have had as a parent. I made a mistake. Not that I haven't made any others so far, but this one bothers me more.
I keep trying to write about it but I don't even have the words. My little girl was treated badly by another child today, so much so that she was afraid, and while I did much to try to make it stop, I should have taken her home.
One of my weaknesses is that I do not do well in the middle of a difficult situation if I do not have time to mentally process what is happening, and today was a day when I should have just left rather than trying to think about how to handle a difficult and uncomfortable situation in the middle of the craziness. I should always leave first, think about the situation, and then deal with. I learned that lesson again the hard way today.
I am just glad that Phoebe was fine almost as soon as we did leave. She even sang with me in the car on the way home.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Lent
If anyone considers himself religious but does not bridle his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. James 1:26
Lent started earlier this week. When I was thinking about what I wanted to do to observe Lent this year, I wasn't excited about any of the standard things to fast from. I have done dessert, alcohol, and TV many times and I was not really sure how fasting from any of these things would help me.
I realized last Sunday that the one thing I have been having a hard time with lately is saying things I ought not to say. As I reflected on my week, I had James 1:26 running through my head. I decided that perhaps instead of fasting I would practice the discipline of silence this lent. It is an appropriate discipline for the season since in promotes reflection, meditation on my faults, and dependence on God. It is a hard discipline to practice, though, for someone who spends as little time alone as I do. I can't give up talking altogether, which means I need to be thoughtful about how I practice silence during Lent. This means trying to keep silent as much as possible when I don't need to talk, and trying to find times during the week to sit in silence. One of the other things I have done is not spoken about my practice - except right now. No one including my husband (unless he thinks to read my blog) knows I am doing this. I am only writing about it to make myself attend carefully to my progress.
The most important thing I want to do during this time is get myself out of the habit of saying things that are unnecessary and unhelpful. I would also like to be able to have more self-control as I speak to my husband when I am frustrated with him. I don't like the way I speak to him.
Five days in to Lent, and so far I am not doing great at my practice. I have certainly been reminded that I have very little self-control and that I need help.
I decided today that I need regular reminders during the day to keep an eye on my speech. I will probably set an alarm on my phone to remind myself starting tomorrow.
One thing I stumbled upon this week while I was reading that encouraged me was this:
Where there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise. Proverbs 10:19
Lent started earlier this week. When I was thinking about what I wanted to do to observe Lent this year, I wasn't excited about any of the standard things to fast from. I have done dessert, alcohol, and TV many times and I was not really sure how fasting from any of these things would help me.
I realized last Sunday that the one thing I have been having a hard time with lately is saying things I ought not to say. As I reflected on my week, I had James 1:26 running through my head. I decided that perhaps instead of fasting I would practice the discipline of silence this lent. It is an appropriate discipline for the season since in promotes reflection, meditation on my faults, and dependence on God. It is a hard discipline to practice, though, for someone who spends as little time alone as I do. I can't give up talking altogether, which means I need to be thoughtful about how I practice silence during Lent. This means trying to keep silent as much as possible when I don't need to talk, and trying to find times during the week to sit in silence. One of the other things I have done is not spoken about my practice - except right now. No one including my husband (unless he thinks to read my blog) knows I am doing this. I am only writing about it to make myself attend carefully to my progress.
The most important thing I want to do during this time is get myself out of the habit of saying things that are unnecessary and unhelpful. I would also like to be able to have more self-control as I speak to my husband when I am frustrated with him. I don't like the way I speak to him.
Five days in to Lent, and so far I am not doing great at my practice. I have certainly been reminded that I have very little self-control and that I need help.
I decided today that I need regular reminders during the day to keep an eye on my speech. I will probably set an alarm on my phone to remind myself starting tomorrow.
One thing I stumbled upon this week while I was reading that encouraged me was this:
Where there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise. Proverbs 10:19
Monday, January 17, 2011
Teaching My Child to Sit Still
My little girl refuses to sit still. Ever. Especially if you want her to sit on your lap.
This disinclination for stillness began as soon as she was able to move. I think she began refusing to sit on laps when she was about four months old. Since then, trying to sit through meals, church, or any other occasion during which one usually wishes a little person to be still have been difficult for our family. To be clear, I don't expect her to be still for long periods of time; it is rare for her to sit on anyone's lap for more than a minute unless she is very distracted by something else.
At Christmas, I decided that it was time for my little person to learn to sit through at least the sermon at church quietly. I was encouraged by this article, which I had read earlier in the month. I arrived at this decision somewhat spontaneously during a particularly frustrating church service, when I decided that she is old enough to learn how to behave. I spend the rest of the service outside trying to contain a screaming little one on my lap.
I haven't had much opportunity to work on this since, because she was either reasonably well-behaved during church, or because we were out of town until yesterday. All in all, it went fairly well. The poor little thing was quite frustrated and fought vigorously for most of the unusually long sermon. In case anyone wonders, I take her to another room to do this so I don't disturb everyone else. She kept giving me the sign for "All done," which I now realize in her mind means "I do not want to be confined any longer." She does that at the table too, when she is in her high chair.
Today, she didn't want to sit in her high chair for lunch or snack time. I have only recently realized how extreme her unwillingness to be still and confined to one place is and I am a little concerned. This does not seem like normal behavior.
So far, my plan is to hold her in my lap and fight her until she stops fighting and is reasonably quiet. At the table, I am trying to keep her in her chair until the meal is over rather than letting her out after she asks a few times. We have also decided to stop giving her any food outside of her chair. I am not sure if I am going about this the best way, but I want to help my baby develop an essential discipline while she is still little.
To make things worse, we are taking her to Hawaii in two months and she is going to have to sit in our seats with us for five hours. I am starting to dread that trip.
This disinclination for stillness began as soon as she was able to move. I think she began refusing to sit on laps when she was about four months old. Since then, trying to sit through meals, church, or any other occasion during which one usually wishes a little person to be still have been difficult for our family. To be clear, I don't expect her to be still for long periods of time; it is rare for her to sit on anyone's lap for more than a minute unless she is very distracted by something else.
At Christmas, I decided that it was time for my little person to learn to sit through at least the sermon at church quietly. I was encouraged by this article, which I had read earlier in the month. I arrived at this decision somewhat spontaneously during a particularly frustrating church service, when I decided that she is old enough to learn how to behave. I spend the rest of the service outside trying to contain a screaming little one on my lap.
I haven't had much opportunity to work on this since, because she was either reasonably well-behaved during church, or because we were out of town until yesterday. All in all, it went fairly well. The poor little thing was quite frustrated and fought vigorously for most of the unusually long sermon. In case anyone wonders, I take her to another room to do this so I don't disturb everyone else. She kept giving me the sign for "All done," which I now realize in her mind means "I do not want to be confined any longer." She does that at the table too, when she is in her high chair.
Today, she didn't want to sit in her high chair for lunch or snack time. I have only recently realized how extreme her unwillingness to be still and confined to one place is and I am a little concerned. This does not seem like normal behavior.
So far, my plan is to hold her in my lap and fight her until she stops fighting and is reasonably quiet. At the table, I am trying to keep her in her chair until the meal is over rather than letting her out after she asks a few times. We have also decided to stop giving her any food outside of her chair. I am not sure if I am going about this the best way, but I want to help my baby develop an essential discipline while she is still little.
To make things worse, we are taking her to Hawaii in two months and she is going to have to sit in our seats with us for five hours. I am starting to dread that trip.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Chemical Free?
For the last two years, I have been trying to reduce my family's exposure to chemicals. This is a very hard thing to do, especially on a budget. I should clarify what I mean since one of my more skeptical medical student friends told me haughtily that "everything has chemicals in it." I have tried to keep myself, Bee, and to some extent Izzy away from products made with chemicals that have been proven harmful to humans, either because the cause cancer or interfere with normal bodily functions. For personal care products this includes parabens, pthalates, sulfates, formaldehyde, oxybenzone and petroleum, among others. It is amazing how much of this stuff we cover our bodies in on a daily basis.
I started doing so on purpose around the time I found out I was pregnant. I had read that aluminum (part of the active ingredient in anti-perspirant) was bad for the baby and might cause breast cancer, so I bought aluminum-free deodorant. I am still looking for one that works well and is reasonably priced. I was already using a lot of Burt's Bees products and mineral makeup, which are better than most products. As I research further, I find that these are not the best products available, but they are what I can find and afford right now. Eventually I want to work to find better products, but the prospect is overwhelming to me considering how little time I have for such things.
I have given up regular nail polish, and found a mascara without formaldehyde, started washing my hair with baking soda and vinegar, since I couldn't find a chemical - free shampoo that didn't destroy my hair. This change has actually saved money.
I have had a hard time finding baby products that are good for the little one. I have used Burt's Bees, but a lot of their baby products do have questionable ingredients. I like California Baby products, but I can only find a limited number of products in stores. We use cloth diapers and buy expensive baby wipes that are chlorine and alcohol free.
It is amazing how many people mock me for doing all of this. I understand that none of us are in danger of an immediate health crisis, but things like this add up. We are pretty healthy; my little girl has only had one small cold in 15 months, and it may help that her body spends less time absorbing and processing harmful chemicals.
Additionally, I am a high risk for breast cancer. Going without good deodorant and fun beauty products that include parabens is a small price to pay to decrease that risk. At least I think so.
Some other time I'll post about food.
I started doing so on purpose around the time I found out I was pregnant. I had read that aluminum (part of the active ingredient in anti-perspirant) was bad for the baby and might cause breast cancer, so I bought aluminum-free deodorant. I am still looking for one that works well and is reasonably priced. I was already using a lot of Burt's Bees products and mineral makeup, which are better than most products. As I research further, I find that these are not the best products available, but they are what I can find and afford right now. Eventually I want to work to find better products, but the prospect is overwhelming to me considering how little time I have for such things.
I have given up regular nail polish, and found a mascara without formaldehyde, started washing my hair with baking soda and vinegar, since I couldn't find a chemical - free shampoo that didn't destroy my hair. This change has actually saved money.
I have had a hard time finding baby products that are good for the little one. I have used Burt's Bees, but a lot of their baby products do have questionable ingredients. I like California Baby products, but I can only find a limited number of products in stores. We use cloth diapers and buy expensive baby wipes that are chlorine and alcohol free.
It is amazing how many people mock me for doing all of this. I understand that none of us are in danger of an immediate health crisis, but things like this add up. We are pretty healthy; my little girl has only had one small cold in 15 months, and it may help that her body spends less time absorbing and processing harmful chemicals.
Additionally, I am a high risk for breast cancer. Going without good deodorant and fun beauty products that include parabens is a small price to pay to decrease that risk. At least I think so.
Some other time I'll post about food.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Advent
Advent started just over a week ago. This is my favorite season of the Church year. Advent is about stopping and observing the place we find ourselves in, personally and as a community. During this time, we recognize the brokenness that is in our lives and in the world and also remember the hope we have that the brokenness is not permanent. It is also a time that we can think about how we participate in restoration ourselves.
I love that even though this is a time of honest reflection on the brokenness in myself and in the world, there is hope and that hope brings peace, joy, and love.
As a child, my mom made Advent really special and I want to pass that on to little Bee. Every day she planned something for us to do together and to look forward to. It is one of my favorite memories of childhood.
I have been working over the past few years to prepare a home that expects Advent practice to happen. That has been difficult because of how foreign the practice of doing something as a family every day, of preparing for Christmas, and everything else that is invovled in observing Advant is to my husband. He really is a good sport, and it gets better each year. He has participated a lot this year, which means a lot to me since Bee isn't aware of what is happening yet. He has taken ownership of our daily reading and even put a handful of ornaments on the tree last night.
As I watch the change in him from each year, I am so thankful to whoever gave me the wisdom to start doing things I want my children to experience long before the children are aware of or can appreciate them.
I love that even though this is a time of honest reflection on the brokenness in myself and in the world, there is hope and that hope brings peace, joy, and love.
As a child, my mom made Advent really special and I want to pass that on to little Bee. Every day she planned something for us to do together and to look forward to. It is one of my favorite memories of childhood.
I have been working over the past few years to prepare a home that expects Advent practice to happen. That has been difficult because of how foreign the practice of doing something as a family every day, of preparing for Christmas, and everything else that is invovled in observing Advant is to my husband. He really is a good sport, and it gets better each year. He has participated a lot this year, which means a lot to me since Bee isn't aware of what is happening yet. He has taken ownership of our daily reading and even put a handful of ornaments on the tree last night.
As I watch the change in him from each year, I am so thankful to whoever gave me the wisdom to start doing things I want my children to experience long before the children are aware of or can appreciate them.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Manners
My little one has gotten to the age where she needs to begin to learn manners. As I start to figure out how to teach manners, I have become aware of how much my own manners need improvement. I can't teach her how to be polite and kind if I can't model that behavior for her.
Now to work. On both of our manners.
Now to work. On both of our manners.
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