It Happens So Soon

My mom bought my daughter a beautiful dress.  It is a brown halter dress with pink flowers embroidered on the bodice and waist.

Last Sunday I wanted to dress her in it, but when I pulled it out of the closet in the morning, she said "no" and pointed at a different dress.  I put her in the dress she chose.  Later that afternoon, when she had dirtied the dress she picked out, I took the brown dress and put it on her.  She protested but I prevailed and got it on her. 

All day she had been telling me how pretty my dress was.  After I got the brown dress on her, she told me again that my dress was pretty.  We had quite the conversation about how her dress was pretty too, and eventually she reluctantly agreed.

That evening, when we took the dress off, she looked at the dress, pointed, and said "no".  I got the picture that she doesn't like the dress.  She looks beautiful in it, but she doesn't think it is pretty.  She has started favoring certain colors, and brown isn't one of them.  Have I mentioned she isn't even two yet? 

I told my mom about the incident and she said that Bee did the same thing in the store when she bought the dress.  My mom knew Bee didn't like the dress, but she bought it anyway because it was so pretty.  I knew Bee didn't like the dress, but I made her wear it because I knew she would be beautiful in it. 

I didn't think it was a big deal to put her in the dress.  However, today I remembered how much I hated it when my mom made me wear dresses I didn't like.  I was a lot older than Bee is now, but as I thought about it, I decided that it is important to respect her opinions and allow her some autonomy, particularly when it concerns something so unimportant as what she wears.  She is her own little person with her own opinions and it is in her best interest if I respect them, especially when it concerns something insignificant like what color clothes she wears. 

I was always prepared that some day she would start having opinions about her clothes, but I thought it would be a little longer before this happened.  I am even more confused because she doesn't protest against the crazy mismatched outfits her daddy puts her in on the regular. 

I love that dress and I will probably continue to try to convince her that it is pretty and she ought to wear it, but I probably won't make her wear it against her will.  Maybe she will change her mind. 

If I can get a picture of Bee in the dress, I'll post it just to show how pretty she is in it.

7 Quick Takes (or the early summer of my discontent)

1.

As the title indicates, I have been discontented for the last two weeks, leading me to be antsy, irritable, and generally unproductive.  I blame the fact that I feel aimless at work, but it is really my own fault. 

2. 

In an attempt to improve my discontent, and the general condition of my body and spirit, I have begun waking up earlier in the morning to practice yoga using this.  I found a copy in a used book store about 5 years ago and I love it for helping me put my body back in order.  I am four days in and I already feel better.  

3.

In addition to the yoga, I am meditating on the Lord's Prayer when I am done.  Much like the yoga book helps my body, this is my go-to practice when I find myself having a difficult time focusing my spirit during prayer.  Clearly all is not well when I am busting out all of my tools to fix myself.  

4.

If I have made plans with anyone and forget or end up canceling, I'm sorry.  My schedule for the next month seems to be in constant flux.  My weekends are also a lot more scheduled than I prefer.  It makes me feel trapped to have every day of my week planned for me ahead of time.  Must work on this.  

5.  

I have done more cooking than usual this week.  I like that.  In response, I am contemplating hijacking my husband's mostly inactive blog.  Unfortunately we have similar reasons for not posting.   He doesn't because the pictures haven't been uploaded from our camera.  I haven't because I don't know where he keeps the camera so I can take pictures.  

6. 

I am pleased that summer finally decided to arrive.  The summer plants in my garden have decided to start growing in response to the sudden heat.  This is good since I only had two kinds of spring vegetables.  Bring on the homegrown food!  (And the lower grocery bills). 

7.  

This is funny. 

I was actually at a place where the pledge of allegiance was said Wendesday for the first time in forever.  I opted out.  

For more quick takes, go here.  I finally decided to join in after enjoying others' contributions. 

 

Goodbye Gray?!

I have gray hair.

Most of it appeared sometime between my engagement and when I went back to work after having a baby.  The bulk of the gray hair is located in my bangs in a significant streak.  This past year I realized I was starting to look like the principal of my junior high, who we all said resembled a skunk.  After this realization, I started trying to hide the gray.

My hair responds badly to dye; it dries out and sometimes falls out.  Since I prefer to avoid using harmful chemicals on my body, I have used henna to color my hair, but it has not proven effective for covering the gray for any significant amount of time.  I finally broke down and used regular hair dye, trying as much as possible to only use it on my super-human gray hairs, but it got on the brown hair as well.  I wash my hair with baking soda, which is abrasive and is not kind to dyed hair, so now I have brassy post-dyed brown hair in addition to the gray that shows once the dye wears off.  I'm not happy.

So now I am trying something new.  According to several sources on the internet, you can remove gray hair using sage.  So tonight I picked a ton of sage, boiled water and let it steep until it appeared to be a pretty strong tea.  I will be applying this to my hair in hopes that the gray will turn brown in a few weeks.  We'll see how it works.  

Here is a list of several natural options for coloring hair.  Someday I might try some of the others if I should ever get my hands on the ingredients.

Thoughts on Motherhood

Mother's Day was almost two weeks ago, but I have been thinking a lot lately about what motherhood has done to me.  I've read a lot of post-Mother's Day blog posts in which the authors were making peace with how they have changed since becoming mothers and I realized a few days ago that I am surprised and happy to find that I have no regrets about how becoming a mom has changed me.

My little force of nature has left no corner of my life untouched; nothing is the same as it was before her, but I am happy.  I honestly expected that having a little one would bring more confusion to the competing desires and dreams I have for myself that would be even harder to realize while being a good mother. 

Instead I find that I have more clarity about what is important to me.  I don't think that I have given up any dreams, in fact I have more, but at some point motherhood brought me the peace and patience I needed to take life day by day and wait to see how my dreams materialize.  What is most interesting to me is that some of the dreams that have seemed most impossible to me for a long time may become realities much sooner than I ever would have hoped. 

This doesn't mean that it has been easy.  I've sacrificed a lot for my daughter and I've lost a lot in the last two years.  Still, she is the best thing that ever happened to me, and even as I mourn some of my losses, I know that I would give up more for her if it were necessary. 

So here's to being thankful that God saw fit to make me a mother when I certainly didn't plan to be!  My life is so much richer for it.

Here's a recent picture of my beautiful little girl:

Better Late than Never

On Holy Saturday I wrote what I think was a beautiful post.  Unfortunately I was logged out of blogger sometime in the middle of writing it and so when I went to post it, it was gone.  Here's all that was left because I still think the comment that inspired my post is worth reading. 

This morning I read this and it led me to think differently about Holy Saturday than I have before. 

Fail

Today was one of the hardest days I have had as a parent.  I made a mistake.  Not that I haven't made any others so far, but this one bothers me more.

I keep trying to write about it but I don't even have the words.  My little girl was treated badly by another child today, so much so that she was afraid, and while I did much to try to make it stop, I should have taken her home. 

One of my weaknesses is that I do not do well in the middle of a difficult situation if I do not have time to mentally process what is happening, and today was a day when I should have just left rather than trying to think about how to handle a difficult and uncomfortable situation in the middle of the craziness.  I should always leave first, think about the situation, and then deal with.  I learned that lesson again the hard way today. 

I am just glad that Phoebe was fine almost as soon as we did leave.  She even sang with me in the car on the way home. 

Lent

If anyone considers himself religious but does not bridle his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.   James 1:26

Lent started earlier this week.  When I was thinking about what I wanted to do to observe Lent this year, I wasn't excited about any of the standard things to fast from.  I have done dessert, alcohol, and TV many times and I was not really sure how fasting from any of these things would help me.

I realized last Sunday that the one thing I have been having a hard time with lately is saying things I ought not to say.  As I reflected on my week, I had James 1:26 running through my head.  I decided that perhaps instead of fasting I would practice the discipline of silence this lent.  It is an appropriate discipline for the season since in promotes reflection, meditation on my faults, and dependence on God.  It is a hard discipline to practice, though, for someone who spends as little time alone as I do.  I can't give up talking altogether, which means I need to be thoughtful about how I practice silence during Lent.  This means trying to keep silent as much as possible when I don't need to talk, and trying to find times during the week to sit in silence.  One of the other things I have done is not spoken about my practice - except right now.  No one including my husband (unless he thinks to read my blog) knows I am doing this.  I am only writing about it to make myself attend carefully to my progress.  

The most important thing I want to do during this time is get myself out of the habit of saying things that are unnecessary and unhelpful.  I would also like to be able to have more self-control as I speak to my husband when I am frustrated with him.  I don't like the way I speak to him. 

Five days in to Lent, and so far I am not doing great at my practice.  I have certainly been reminded that I have very little self-control and that I need help. 

I decided today that I need regular reminders during the day to keep an eye on my speech.  I will probably set an alarm on my phone to remind myself starting tomorrow.

One thing I stumbled upon this week while I was reading that encouraged me was this:

Where there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise.   Proverbs 10:19