She's Three!

My little princess spent a lot of time playing in the mud in the garden at Fairytale Town

My first little baby turned three today.  I took the day off to throw her a party at Fairytale Town, her favorite place in the world these days.  We let her wear her Halloween costume early because it was the best way I could find to throw a princess party that had mostly boys for guests.  One of the great things about living in the city is being close to so many great parks and museums.  Fairytale Town is the perfect place for toddlers with so many things to climb on as well as interactive learning areas like the vegetable garden.

I am so proud of my little girl.  Even though she has been acting out since the arrival of her brother, she is such a good girl.  She is truly full of sugar and spice.  She is really sweet and compassionate, but she's also a little fighter.  While she is mostly a happy child, she generally end up doing most things the hard way just because she once she makes up her mind about how she is going to do something, she doesn't consider whether there is a better way when obstacles arise. 

This picture above captures her perfectly.  She wants to be a little princess and wear fancy dresses, but she isn't going to let that stop her from climbing, rolling on the ground, or playing in the mud. 

She is so smart and curious about the world around her.  I am continually surprised by the things she says and what she knows about the world without anyone instructing her.  I am so excited to see how she continues to learn and grow this year. 

Confession

I am having a bit of a meltdown this week. For most of my life I have never wanted to be an at-home mom. It sounded boring and awful and I was afraid it might happen to me. I got what I wanted.

When Bee was born, I was the only one with a job and I was excited to go back to work. Over the past two years something changed. At first, I wanted to go home and home school someday in the future, but slowly I have been wanting to be with my children more and more. After Ezra was born, I wanted that time to be now.

However, I am still the only one with a job with no end to that in sight. Izzy has been out of work for almost four years, isn't applying to too many jobs, and has yet to even have an interview. I spend a good part of my days looking for jobs for him and reading mommy blogs and wishing those people were me. It has become my own brand of porn. I am discouraged and afraid that things are never going to change. I want to be with my kids so bad it hurts.

Last night when i was reading Psalm 16, I realized last night that my focus is in the wrong place. I am so lucky to have my children, I am so lucky that they are healthy, and I am lucky they spend their days with family who love them, even if tat family isn't me. Their needs are provided for and they are happy even though they miss me. God does not want me fixating on the life I wish I had, but on the life He has given me.

It wrong for me to spend so much time focusing on what I want and not on what I have. I have a good life. God has given me so many blessings and so far He has arranged things better than I would have. I have always said that my children are living proof that I have no idea what is good for me. I wouldn't have either of them if I had arranged things.

So I will try to be faithful to live the life I was given, read fewer mommy blogs, and enjoy my babies. For now, it still hurts.

Sleeping with Babies 2

These posts started for me to process my thoughts on my babies' sleep as I try to encourage one to resume sleeping and as I try to make the best decisions regarding the other.
Before Ezra was born, I decided I wanted him in my bed. I didn't even really give Izzy room to weigh in, though he understands if he doesn't agree. We bought an (expensive) tray for him to sleep in on the bed and set up his mini-crib in our room "for later".

The morning Ezra was born after Tuesday and Jennifer, the midwives, were done with us for good, I held him in my arms and went to sleep. This was one of the many blessings of the home birth. After our first sleep, I intended to put him in his tray but most of the time he slept better in my arm so I broke all the rules and kept doing it. Ezra ha gas issues for several week and most nights would only relax and sleep deeply when I held him.




While I didn't prefer to hold him while I slept, I preferred to keep him free in the bed. Izzy spent most nights in the office because he thought the baby's little grunts were too loud so it was just the two of us. I really loved having him right with me, but when the gas subsided, I got Ezra used to the tray in the interest of having my husband return to our bed. He took to the tray okay, but he liked to snuggle and took advantage of the open lower half to wiggle over to wherever I was in the bed. Since he is such a quiet baby, regardless of what Izzy says, he usually only succeeded in waking me up to eat or sleep by kicking me.
Recently I moved Ezra to his crib. He was moving around the bed so much while I was sleeping, I was afraid that he would fall off. The crib protects him from falling and from his sister. I am sad to not have him next to me, but I am glad to have my husband back full time. Eventually I will move the baby to his and Phoebe's room, but not soon. I still want him close both for convenience and because I like having him. I also don't think Bee is ready to share. For now, we will continue waking up with all four of us in the same room until I feel like it is time for a change.

Four and One

Today I woke up to find Bee next to me staring at her hands. She had four fingers out on one hand and one finger out on the other hand. When she saw I was awake, she said, "Four and one." I asked her how many that made since I have been told by those who see more of her than I do that she adds. It took her a minute to get to five. Then she rearranged her fingers and asked me to show her eight. I helped her hold out five and three fingers on her and and we talked about how five and three together are eight. She eventually got it, though I am not sure she'll hold on to the idea for long. She isn't quite three yet.

I am realizing that this is how Phoebe learns best - informally and on her own terms. On the few occasions that I have sat her down to try and teach her things in a conventional way, it hasn't gone well. Instead she usually shows me what she knows and responds when I show her a little more. She will sit still for Bible stories, and sometimes she will cooperate if learning feels like playing, but otherwise she won't have it. This is why I am convinced that if I have to send her to preschool, a Montessori school will be best.

Moments like this one show me how much I am missing while I am at work. My mom tells me stories about Bee showing off her adding and reasoning skills and Izzy tells me how she helps make yogurt and prepare dinner. I miss these things. They are part of what I give up by working to support the family.

It isn't like I miss everything. I am thankful for the time I do get and that i work close enough to home to have as much time as I do. Last week Bee helped me plant seeds for fall and yesterday we picked tomatoes and strawberries and collected eggs together.

My other consolation is that the baby has persistently shown me all of his new skills before he shows anyone else. Today I got to see him almost push himself up on his hands and knees!

Lessons in Gardening

I have been gardening for three years now and I still have a lot to learn. I get so overwhelmed by trying to learn how to do things well by reading. I am more of a trial-and-error person. That has made for quite a few errors.

The lone pear on our tree. It will be baby food whenever it is ready.

This year was a bad year for most plants in Sacramento. Everyone's tomatoes did well, and I had good luck with eggplant but not much else.

I learned a lot about organic pest control. I already learned to plant marigolds and basil with the tomatoes to control aphids. I lost my cucumbers and melons to cucumber mosaic virus early on. We got some cukes and one melon. Next year I will plant nasturtium and calendula to keep the cucumber beetles away. I also learned that coffee grounds will keep whatever was devouring my eggplant away.

Before next year I want to figure out what to do to keep my bell peppers from getting sunburnt and how to attract enough bees to adequately pollenate my squash. I also want to figure out when to plant things for an adequate fall crop.

Here is a sample of my tomatoes before I made them into golden marinara

Izzy's hand next to two tomatoes - they were huge!

I roasted them on the grill outside so I didn't bring unnecessary heat into the house.

Tomatoes ready to be roasted.  The smallest was about the size you find at the grocery store.  

Then I cooked them down with roasted onions and garlic, also from the garden in the crockpot.

My marinara sauce simmering in the crockpot

Bundles of Joy

Phoebe loves to dance and entertain her brother.  He finds her hilarious.