Sleeping with Babies 2

These posts started for me to process my thoughts on my babies' sleep as I try to encourage one to resume sleeping and as I try to make the best decisions regarding the other.
Before Ezra was born, I decided I wanted him in my bed. I didn't even really give Izzy room to weigh in, though he understands if he doesn't agree. We bought an (expensive) tray for him to sleep in on the bed and set up his mini-crib in our room "for later".

The morning Ezra was born after Tuesday and Jennifer, the midwives, were done with us for good, I held him in my arms and went to sleep. This was one of the many blessings of the home birth. After our first sleep, I intended to put him in his tray but most of the time he slept better in my arm so I broke all the rules and kept doing it. Ezra ha gas issues for several week and most nights would only relax and sleep deeply when I held him.




While I didn't prefer to hold him while I slept, I preferred to keep him free in the bed. Izzy spent most nights in the office because he thought the baby's little grunts were too loud so it was just the two of us. I really loved having him right with me, but when the gas subsided, I got Ezra used to the tray in the interest of having my husband return to our bed. He took to the tray okay, but he liked to snuggle and took advantage of the open lower half to wiggle over to wherever I was in the bed. Since he is such a quiet baby, regardless of what Izzy says, he usually only succeeded in waking me up to eat or sleep by kicking me.
Recently I moved Ezra to his crib. He was moving around the bed so much while I was sleeping, I was afraid that he would fall off. The crib protects him from falling and from his sister. I am sad to not have him next to me, but I am glad to have my husband back full time. Eventually I will move the baby to his and Phoebe's room, but not soon. I still want him close both for convenience and because I like having him. I also don't think Bee is ready to share. For now, we will continue waking up with all four of us in the same room until I feel like it is time for a change.

Four and One

Today I woke up to find Bee next to me staring at her hands. She had four fingers out on one hand and one finger out on the other hand. When she saw I was awake, she said, "Four and one." I asked her how many that made since I have been told by those who see more of her than I do that she adds. It took her a minute to get to five. Then she rearranged her fingers and asked me to show her eight. I helped her hold out five and three fingers on her and and we talked about how five and three together are eight. She eventually got it, though I am not sure she'll hold on to the idea for long. She isn't quite three yet.

I am realizing that this is how Phoebe learns best - informally and on her own terms. On the few occasions that I have sat her down to try and teach her things in a conventional way, it hasn't gone well. Instead she usually shows me what she knows and responds when I show her a little more. She will sit still for Bible stories, and sometimes she will cooperate if learning feels like playing, but otherwise she won't have it. This is why I am convinced that if I have to send her to preschool, a Montessori school will be best.

Moments like this one show me how much I am missing while I am at work. My mom tells me stories about Bee showing off her adding and reasoning skills and Izzy tells me how she helps make yogurt and prepare dinner. I miss these things. They are part of what I give up by working to support the family.

It isn't like I miss everything. I am thankful for the time I do get and that i work close enough to home to have as much time as I do. Last week Bee helped me plant seeds for fall and yesterday we picked tomatoes and strawberries and collected eggs together.

My other consolation is that the baby has persistently shown me all of his new skills before he shows anyone else. Today I got to see him almost push himself up on his hands and knees!

Lessons in Gardening

I have been gardening for three years now and I still have a lot to learn. I get so overwhelmed by trying to learn how to do things well by reading. I am more of a trial-and-error person. That has made for quite a few errors.

The lone pear on our tree. It will be baby food whenever it is ready.

This year was a bad year for most plants in Sacramento. Everyone's tomatoes did well, and I had good luck with eggplant but not much else.

I learned a lot about organic pest control. I already learned to plant marigolds and basil with the tomatoes to control aphids. I lost my cucumbers and melons to cucumber mosaic virus early on. We got some cukes and one melon. Next year I will plant nasturtium and calendula to keep the cucumber beetles away. I also learned that coffee grounds will keep whatever was devouring my eggplant away.

Before next year I want to figure out what to do to keep my bell peppers from getting sunburnt and how to attract enough bees to adequately pollenate my squash. I also want to figure out when to plant things for an adequate fall crop.

Here is a sample of my tomatoes before I made them into golden marinara

Izzy's hand next to two tomatoes - they were huge!

I roasted them on the grill outside so I didn't bring unnecessary heat into the house.

Tomatoes ready to be roasted.  The smallest was about the size you find at the grocery store.  

Then I cooked them down with roasted onions and garlic, also from the garden in the crockpot.

My marinara sauce simmering in the crockpot

Bundles of Joy

Phoebe loves to dance and entertain her brother.  He finds her hilarious.  

Sleeping with Babies I

Like many parents, where, when, and how our babies sleep has been a constantly changing saga.  Right now I find myself facing several hiccups in the goal of having well-rested, secure children.  I have decided to process via blog.

When I was pregnant with Phoebe, I needed so much energy to get used to the idea of having a baby that I didn't do any research about parenting styles or make any definite plans about anything except breastfeeding.  I didn't read or think about baby sleep.  I was totally unprepared to the point that I didn't think about my not thinking about these things.  I borrowed a Moses basket from a friend, because it seemed that I should probably have her closer to me than in her room for a little bit.

Then I gave birth to a little girl who would NOT sleep. Ever. I suddenly found myself reading books about baby sleep in the closet in the middle of the night while holding a screaming baby.  For a while she would only go to sleep if she was in bed with me.  But we were concerned about all the warnings not to have her there, and Izzy wanted his space so after a month we let her fall asleep in bed and then moved her to her basket.  I decided I wanted to have her in the room with me as long as possible because I enjoyed being close to her. That was cut short when I went back to work and Bee woke up every hour wanting to play.  We moved her to her room when she was three months old so we all could get some sleep.  While it was not what I wanted, I was and am sure that it was the best decision for her.  

Izzy and Phoebe cuddling in bed in the morning.

Around the same time I started sleep training because after days of rocking her in the hope that she would eventually nap, I realized that Bee was never going to go to sleep while I was in the room with her.  She was too determined to stay awake as long as I was around and she was also unbearably tired.  I am thankful that she learned to fall asleep on her own so easily because I never would have been able to let her cry for long.  While she would have preferred to never sleep, this little girl adapted to a schedule so well and as long as we kept to the schedule, she was happy and slept well.  This worked perfectly until a few months before Ezra was born. 

After two years of wonderful sleeping habits, she wouldn't go to bed and she wouldn't stay in bed.  Once the coming baby became a reality for her, she started fighting bedtime in extreme ways and she started coming into bed with us in the middle of the night.  We have tried everything to bring back bedtime.  Success is rare and inconsistent and what to do about it is a constant source of disagreement between me and Izzy.  The midnight visits are less problematic.  They are the only time she has slept in my presence since she was three months old and the only time she has ever willingly snuggled with me.  Since I love snuggles and Izzy usually doesn't notice her, this works out fine for all of us.  Unless husband, baby, and I all happen to be in the bed at the same time. 

Little girl in my bed after joining me in the middle of the night. 

I know that her sleep troubles are a reflection of her working out her place in our hearts now that there is a baby with me all the time.  I can see that she feels insecure and wants to be reassured.  I feel good about how I handle the late night visits.  I honestly usually like having her come in and have enjoyed not having Izzy in the bed very often (more on that to come) so that I can enjoy her company and help her feel close to me. 

However, I dread bedtime.  We have done lots of things, and while Izzy prefers disciplining her for not sleeping (we have both tried it, it doesn't work), I have tried everything I can think of to make bedtime happen peacefully and at a reasonable hour and nothing has worked consistently.  We have a routine and I have done everything I can think of to fill her little love-cup during the day before I put her down and yet she persists in going to sleep later than I do most nights. I am at a loss.

My Little Lady

I don’t know what to say about my little girl lately.  Little Bee has had a hard six months and I have had a hard six months with her.  Ever since she figured out that the baby was coming, she’s been a mess.  At first she stopped cooperating with bedtime, then she stopped sleeping through the night, then she grew whiny and disobedient.  It has been rough; especially when I am around, especially if I have the baby. 

She is such a sensitive thing, and so much like me in a lot of ways, which is a mercy and helps me understand her.  I feel so sorry for her because she is too little to understand her little feelings and I don’t know how to help her deal with them.  I also don’t know how to help her get through some days without being perpetually in trouble.  The truth is that I am not good with little children in general, even when I love them, and I have had a very hard time figuring out how to discipline her in a way that still communicates love to her.  Being sleep deprived does not help me with this affliction.   

I feel terrible, because a lot of the time, I haven’t even wanted to have her around.  I have been really sad because I used to enjoy her so much and then she changed.  I have had to start looking through old pictures and videos just to remind myself, that it wasn’t always a struggle between us.  I have been given a few moments of grace here and there that are really the only things that encourage me that it will get better.  She still has moments, usually at least one a day when she is indescribably cute or funny.  She really does love her brother when she isn’t having a fit of jealousy, and it is really sweet when she decides that she wants to help take care of him.  She is also generous with him and excited to have him play with her when he gets bigger.  I hope these two things stick. 

Also, I am so thankful for the women who watch her at church on Sunday.  While, I am still not thrilled about letting her play rather than sit through worship with us, it is nice to hear on a regular basis, that she is the most cooperative of the children and often the best behaved.   I have really needed to hear that she is capable of being quiet, obedient, and helpful.  Finally, I am so thankful for my mom, who keeps telling me over and over that this phase will pass and she will be my delightful little girl again eventually.  Apparently I was just the same when I was two. 

The events of the past few months have convinced me to look in to finding a preschool to send Bee to two days a week.  This is a big change for me because provided that Izzy can find a job someday, I intend to homeschool.  Part of my decision is because it is time for her to start learning some self-discipline and some basic learning habits, and as good a stay-at-home dad as Izzy is, he isn’t going to teach her these things.  While I have started to work with her when I get home from work, I have also learned my limits with kids this age, and her in particular right now and I think she would be best served by beginning to learn from someone who is not me so that we can get on better when it is time to start teaching her myself.  So I am looking around for a Montessori preschool that will take her for only two mornings a week. 

Garlic!

I have been gardening in my backyard for three years. I didn't know much about growing things before I started and I have very little patience for learning things like this out of books, so it has mostly been an experiment in trial and error.
This week, I harvested my second crop of garlic ever.



The empty space is where my garlic grew.

The first year I planted in the spring, so my garlic was very small. The second year I planted in the fall, which is the right time to plant garlic and onion, but nothing happened. This time my garlic came in and is a respectable size!




Since I have about 20 heads and even I can't use that much garlic immediately, I tried my hand at making a garlic braid. I tried a few times without instruction, but it didn't turn out so well. Then I consulted google and found a few blogs with nice instructions. This one was helpful.
After letting my garlic dry in the hundred degree heat for a few days, here is my finished garlic braid:




Now I am awaiting the tomatoes...



Gratuitous picture of Bee asking me to push her while I worked.