Phoebe Book

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Chemical Free?

For the last two years, I have been trying to reduce my family's exposure to chemicals.  This is a very hard thing to do, especially on a budget.  I should clarify what I mean since one of my more skeptical medical student friends told me haughtily that "everything has chemicals in it."  I have tried to keep myself, Bee, and to some extent Izzy away from products made with chemicals that have been proven harmful to humans, either because the cause cancer or interfere with normal bodily functions.  For personal care products this includes parabens, pthalates, sulfates, formaldehyde, oxybenzone and petroleum, among others.  It is amazing how much of this stuff we cover our bodies in on a daily basis. 

I started doing so on purpose around the time I found out I was pregnant.  I had read that aluminum (part of the active ingredient in anti-perspirant) was bad for the baby and might cause breast cancer, so I bought aluminum-free deodorant.  I am still looking for one that works well and is reasonably priced.  I was already using a lot of Burt's Bees products and mineral makeup, which are better than most products.  As I research further, I find that these are not the best products available, but they are what I can find and afford right now.  Eventually I want to work to find better products, but the prospect is overwhelming to me considering how little time I have for such things. 

I have given up regular nail polish, and found a mascara without formaldehyde, started washing my hair with baking soda and vinegar, since I couldn't find a chemical - free shampoo that didn't destroy my hair.  This change has actually saved money. 

I have had a hard time finding baby products that are good for the little one.  I have used Burt's Bees, but a lot of their baby products do have questionable ingredients.  I like California Baby products, but I can only find a limited number of products in stores. We use cloth diapers and buy expensive baby wipes that are chlorine and alcohol free. 

It is amazing how many people mock me for doing all of this.  I understand that none of us are in danger of an immediate health crisis, but things like this add up.  We are pretty healthy; my little girl has only had one small cold in 15 months, and it may help that her body spends less time absorbing and processing harmful chemicals. 

Additionally, I am a high risk for breast cancer.  Going without good deodorant and fun beauty products that include parabens is a small price to pay to decrease that risk.  At least I think so. 

Some other time I'll post about food. 

Advent

Advent started just over a week ago.  This is my favorite season of the Church year.  Advent is about stopping and observing the place we find ourselves in, personally and as a community.  During this time, we recognize the brokenness that is in our lives and in the world and also remember the hope we have that the brokenness is not permanent. It is also a time that we can think about how we participate in restoration ourselves. 

I love that even though this is a time of honest reflection on the brokenness in myself and in the world, there is hope and that hope brings peace, joy, and love.

As a child, my mom made Advent really special and I want to pass that on to little Bee.  Every day she planned something for us to do together and to look forward to.  It is one of my favorite memories of childhood. 

I have been working over the past few years to prepare a home that expects Advent practice to happen.  That has been difficult because of how foreign the practice of doing something as a family every day, of preparing for Christmas, and everything else that is invovled in observing Advant is to my husband.  He really is a good sport, and it gets better each year.  He has participated a lot this year, which means a lot to me since Bee isn't aware of what is happening yet.  He has taken ownership of our daily reading and even put a handful of ornaments on the tree last night. 

As I watch the change in him from each year, I am so thankful to whoever gave me the wisdom to start doing things I want my children to experience long before the children are aware of or can appreciate them.

Manners

My little one has gotten to the age where she needs to begin to learn manners.  As I start to figure out how to teach manners, I have become aware of how much my own manners need improvement.  I can't teach her how to be polite and kind if I can't model that behavior for her.

Now to work.  On both of our manners.

Open Space

I go to a Quaker church, and in that tradition, once a month the service is less programmed.  They call it Open Space.  In a super-traditional Quaker church, the service would be silent unless someone felt she had something to share with the group.  Our service is not silent, but there is more freedom than usual to listen to God and pursue worship as you are led. 

I love this concept, and have always loved being a part of unprogrammed worship.  However, I also have a little toddler who has not been willing to be quiet or still since she was three months old.  This means that I do not have the luxury of sitting still and focusing all my being on the worship and listening to God.  Instead I have a little one to chase around, shush, and keep from distracting everyone else's worship while I try to participate myself. 

A few times I have wished that we had a nursery I could take little Bee to so that I could engage more completely in the service both on Open Space days and on other days.  One day, while I was making that wish, I recognized the problem with it.  First, we do not have a nursery, and even if we did, I would not take Bee there because I want her to learn to worship during that time rather than play with toys. I realized that since I want to have her in church, she is always going to be with me in church.  Earth shattering, I know.  This means that I need to learn how to listen to God while running after Bee, even though my preferred method of listening to God involves being very still and silent.

I realized that learning how to be present with God during the Open Space service while attending to my daughter is a lot like learning how to be present with God during the rest of my life (on the unfortunately rare events that I remember that this is to be my goal).  Since I initially made this realization, I have changed the way I approach the service and noticed that it is actually easier to engage during these services than in other services. 

I still have a lot to learn, and I want to be able to describe the difference in the way I engage in the service, but changing the way I think about it has helped a lot.   I really enjoyed the service last night and left enriched even though I spent most of the service chasing my little girl and actually had to leave early because of her. 

I am learning similar lessons with the other services, but that is a different post.  

New Blog

I decided to start a new blog for several reasons.  I haven't posted on my old one in over a year, so I doubt anyone reads it anymore.  I have a new google account and I didn't want to have to switch over, but I also wanted my blog to have a little more focus than my old one had. 

It seems like an appropraite time for something new.  After four years of nearly constant change, my life seems to have settled into a certain groove.  Not that I think that I am done with change, but after moving to a new place, getting married, becoming a homeowner, becoming the breadwinner for my family, and becoming a mother, there is a greater sense of permanance in my life than there ever has been. 

From this vantage point, I have recently found myself looking at my life and taking stock of what it is and what I want it to be now and in the future.  I certainly wouldn't have planned or expected my life to be like this, and now the choice is mine to take what I have been given and find the beauty in it. 

This blog will be my reflections on the life that I am making with my family and what I want it to become.