Seven Quick Takes - The Maternity Clothing Rant

I promise I will come up with something more substantial to write about soon-ish.  In the meantime, here is what is on my mind today:

1.

I am really not that big yet.  However, most of my normal clothes do not fit me anymore.  I am in that not-fun time during which I am too small for maternity clothes, and yet I am too big for my normal clothes.  I am taking picking up a few things that will also fit me right after the baby comes, but I am having a hard time because I don't want to buy work clothes since I will fit back into my regular clothes by the time I have to dress up every day.  This means that my work wardrobe is shrinking daily.  I will be out of clothes that fit soon. 

2.

Why are 80% of maternity clothes black no matter what season it is?  While I don't mind as much now that I will be big in the winter, it drove me crazy when I was pregnant in the summer and dressed like a crow every day.  It is boring and gloomy.  And I can't find a non-black pencil skirt.  I already have a black pencil skirt.  I loved it last time, I just don't want to wear black every day. 

3.

I will say, that having lots of black winter-looking clothes will help me not have to buy quite as much this go-around.

4.

How on earth can they justify charging so much money for these clothes, cute and non-cute alike?  I can't bring myself to spend $50 on a T-shirt or $250 on a work dress when I am skinny.  There is NO WAY I will spend that much for something I won't wear for more than five months. 

5. 

The above complaint reminds me why I hate all of my maternity clothes.  Since I won't pay for what I really like, I am left to work with whatever I can find on (real) clearance at less expensive stores. And whatever my mom buys me.  I just spent my morning internet shopping.  Most of what passes as clearance for maternity clothes approaches what I will pay for my normal clothes.

6. 

Those of us who are prengant and do not have skinny legs and small breasts, are mostly doomed to looking huge.  (Unless you are willing to pay ungodly amounts of money for your clothes.)  I am curvy and I have big muscles.  The small part of me is in the middle, the part that most maternity clothes balloon around.  Unless the tops and dresses are fitted around my belly, I end up looking fat rather than pregnant.  I remember this from last time.  I won't show pictures.  If I had skinny legs and didn't need to wear a bra, it would be easier to find maternity clothes that make me feel pretty.  Because there are a lot of pretty maternity clothes and some of them are affordable.  They just don't flatter me. 

7. 

I understand that pregnant women who work seem to be in the minority.  It is clear from the volume of cute casual clothes (things that go with jeans and corduroy) and the fact that it is very difficult to find professional pants and skirts that are not black polyester.  Is everyone really okay with spending months only wearing black polyester to work? 


For some non-clothing related quick takes, visit Jen's blog. 

Seven Quick Takes: Update Edition

1. 

A few months ago I mentioned that I was looking for a natural way to color my ever-increasing volume of gray hair.  After posting, I brewed extra-strong sage tea and did my best to spray it on my gray hair.  And it started to work! As long as I remembered to do it every day.  Unfortunately, I do not remember to do much of anything every day.  Most days I successfully use deodorant and brush my teeth, but otherwise not so much.  Needless to say, sage tea is not a viable remedy for my gray hair. 

2.

As a result, I have turned back to henna, but I found a new brand!  This one seems to be much less processed than the brand I formerly used and consists exclusively of powdered henna and indigo leaves.  I used it last weekend, and am much happier about the way the color turned out than with other brands of henna.  It is much more natural looking and makes my hair a lot less brassy looking in the sun (so far). 

I didn't leave it on quite long enough, so I expect that the color will fade in the 4-6 weeks promised by the company.  Since I dont' like to put extensive effort into maintaining my appearance, I usually expect things to last longer than that.  Since I will need to leave it in longer next time and I don't think that it will turn my hair ugly colors, I might use a lighter shade when I buy my next box.  If I had a picture, i would post it.  

3.  

 The potty training battle was nearly over!  After sweet, stubborn, smart little Bee started CHANGING HER OWN DIAPER in the middle of the night, I took a few days off work, brought her to my mom's house, and started boot camp.  That didn't work great, but somehow a week later, she started cooperating.  She now almost always uses the toilet (the big toilet, not the baby toilet) unless she is playing in the yard and too busy to tell us she needs to go.  Since the weather has changed for the worse, we might be done with potty training very soon. 

4. 

However, in the last week Bee has gotten lazy and now she often wets her pants a little before she gets around to making her way to the toilet.  Izzy is not happy with the set back. 

5. 

I finally got Bee to happily wear her brown dress.  Here she is right before her second birthday party looking very pretty in her dress and "hat." 

6. 

Yesterday I pulled out most of the plants that were in my summer garden.  Last year I waited until they were beyond dead and it was probably February before I got around to cleaning everything out.  I am trying to be better this year.  I also have a few fall vegetables growing.  If the weather stays the way it is and doesn't freeze before Thanksgiving, I should have broccoli, beets, lettuce, arugula, and the ever-present chard. 

7. 

Meanwhile, I have to figure out what to do with the remains of my summer crops.  I spent several evenings this week canning pears I bought last weekend, but I feel obligated to find something to do with all the produce Izzy stripped of the plants before I tore them out.  They consist of lemon cucumbers, unripe bell peppers, a million habaneros, quite a few tomatoes, but not quite enough to make it worth canning them.  I am taking suggestions.


For more quick takes, visit Jen's blog.  

Why the Second Time is Better

During my first pregnancy, my husband was my monitor.  I was not allowed soft cheeses (my favorites), cured meat of any kind, fish, and only a few sips of alcohol in nine months.  He was crazy paranoid that everything was going to hurt the baby and I could barely sneak any of these items without his coming over to regulate. 

The second time around, I am happy to say he has either forgotten or become significantly less paranoid.  I have eaten swordfish (not a great idea, but okay one time), had all variety of unpasteurized cheese and other products as well as bacon, ham, and even hot dogs at Izzy's initiation.  To top it off, tonight he made me a margarita!  I crave tequila when I am pregnant, so that is a treat.

If you are someone who has problems with pregnant women having alcohol, I'm sorry.  But women all around the world drink more alcohol than I ever intend to while pregnant and their babies turn out fine.  I only started having a little again now that I am in my second trimester, and I doubt I've finished even a whole drink a week.  I can tell that my ability to metabolize it is decreased, and drink accordingly. 

My point is that I have been thinking about all of the things I was nervous about last time from eating bacon while pregnant to giving Bee a bottle too early, and I suspect that just like my eating habits, several things will go differently during this child's early life.  Being completely ignorant about everything related to pregnancy and babies was exhausting and nerve-wracking.  So far, this child's existence has been so much easier. 

Perhaps the volume of gray hair on my head won't quadruple with this child.  That would be nice...

Changes

Back in July, I fooled people and made it appear like I was going to blog regularly.  Then several things happened. 

1.  I got pregnant.  If you couldn't already tell by the pregnancy ticker on top, I am having another baby.  In my world, this means that I spent the last three months asleep.  My waking hours were consumed with making fairly regular appearances at work and trying to be consciously present for my little girl. 

Sorry blog world, there was not energy for you.  I thought of you often and even composed several posts that I was never able to be upright long enough to write down.  Perhaps this will change now that I feel better. 

2.  I took a second job.  I don't get paid much. In fact, I have yet to be paid anything, but in August, my husband and I became pastors of our church.  I am excited for this new and interesting challenge, but it means that I work six days a week and devote much of my non-gainfully employed, little girl free time to being with or  doing things for our little community. 

This is what I have been doing.  I am sorry I have been neglecting anyone who read this before, it may happen again.

Seven Quick Takes

On what I am doing right now...

1.

I am procrastinating writing my sermon for Sunday by writing this post.  I was really excited about it while I was working on it on Monday, but I hit a wall, and I'm having a hard time getting started again. 

2. 

I am beginning to think that my little one will no longer be potty trained.  She has been taking off her big girl underwear in order to diaper herself.  For a while she was proud of the panties, now apparently she takes them off for diapers.  Of course, she always prefers to run around bare-bottomed when she can get away with it.  Izzy isn't a fan of her being bare-bottomed.

3.

I don't understand the recent weather.  It seems that most of the country is enduring unbearable heat while here, it has been unseasonably cool here.  In general, this is a great thing except that my garden is still not producing summer fruits and vegetables.  I am still waiting for tomatoes, squash, and peppers.  It needs to be at least 90 degrees for more than a few days in order for my vegetables to ripen.  In the meantime, I am enjoying cucumbers, eggplant, and the spring vegetables that are still hanging on in the cool weather. 

4.  

We have been super-busy lately.  I have hoped that we could landscape our backyard by the end of the summer, but unless I take a lot of time off work, that isn't going to happen.  I might do so, because I am super-impatient to have a backyard to enjoy and for Bee to run around in.

5. 

Tonight I took Bee out front to play in the grass with her ball.  Two of the neighborhood kids about her age came over and started playing with her.  It the girl next door darts over every time she sees us come outside to play.  Her mother doesn't play with her, and it seems that she craves positive attention from grownups.  I don't always know what to do with her.  She tries as hard as she can to come in the house all the time.  I'd let her in, but I don't know how her mother will feel about it.  She isn't a particularly kind or rational woman.  I know she resents the neighbors showing kindness to her son, so I suspect she won't look kindly on our bringing her daughter into our home. 

6.  

With respect to the neighbor kids, I don't know what to do about letting Bee play with them.  We have been watching the children for three years.  With one exception, they all have habits and manners I don't want my child to learn.  I don't want to isolate her or over-shield her, but I am really concerned about what she will learn from them. I don't think I will let her be around them unsupervised for quite a while.

7. 

 Bee hasn't been going to sleep this week.  Not at nap time, or at bedtime.  It has been exhausting.  Here's hoping that she gets over that soon.  

Off to water the garden now that the sun goes down. . . 

You can find more quick takes here.  

Potty Training

A few months ago Izzy and I started trying to potty train our daughter.  We have been eagerly waiting for her to be ready, and when we saw the signs, we started teaching her about the potty.  Most of this teaching is left to my husband since he is the one who is home with her all day, but I have done as much as I can when I am around.

At this point, I can say that Bee likes sitting on the potty (for about 15 seconds at a time), loves toilet paper, and loves the routine of flushing the potty, and washing her hands.  She also enjoys that when she says "pee-pee" or "poo-poo," everything stops so we can go find a toilet.  She uses this knowledge liberally whenever she wants to change locations or circumstances.  However, Bee only has intermittent interest in actually going in the potty. 

I have read countless articles on potty training, forwarded many of them to Izzy, and attempted every "potty train in only a day or two" method myself.  None of those methods have worked. (Since every proponent of these methods has multiple kids, and did not use them on their first child, I have decided that they don't work with first children.  Feel free to prove me wrong.)  Meanwhile, everyone who watches Bee has made an effort to honor her requests to use the toilet and make a big deal every time she actually does use the toilet for it's intended purpose. 

I have come to realize that two of the three members of my household are not committed to make any effort to potty training Bee that interferes with other immediate interests.  The problem for me lies in the fact that one of these two is the subject herself, the other is the one who is around for the bulk of her waking hours, and neither of these individuals is me.

It was this realization that caused me to try every one of the three "one-day" potty training methods, since that is exactly the amount of time I have to commit to this effort myself.  I have since realized that my child requires a different kind of training; one that I can't provide.

I find myself having to relax and wait for Izzy to decide to potty train in something resembling a purposeful manner, or for Bee to decide for herself that she would rather use the toilet than go in her diapers.  Knowing my family as I do, my money is on Bee deciding to train herself.  Either way, I am up for a long wait. 

In the meantime, I continually remind myself that no one is really hurt because Bee is still in diapers.

It Happens So Soon

My mom bought my daughter a beautiful dress.  It is a brown halter dress with pink flowers embroidered on the bodice and waist.

Last Sunday I wanted to dress her in it, but when I pulled it out of the closet in the morning, she said "no" and pointed at a different dress.  I put her in the dress she chose.  Later that afternoon, when she had dirtied the dress she picked out, I took the brown dress and put it on her.  She protested but I prevailed and got it on her. 

All day she had been telling me how pretty my dress was.  After I got the brown dress on her, she told me again that my dress was pretty.  We had quite the conversation about how her dress was pretty too, and eventually she reluctantly agreed.

That evening, when we took the dress off, she looked at the dress, pointed, and said "no".  I got the picture that she doesn't like the dress.  She looks beautiful in it, but she doesn't think it is pretty.  She has started favoring certain colors, and brown isn't one of them.  Have I mentioned she isn't even two yet? 

I told my mom about the incident and she said that Bee did the same thing in the store when she bought the dress.  My mom knew Bee didn't like the dress, but she bought it anyway because it was so pretty.  I knew Bee didn't like the dress, but I made her wear it because I knew she would be beautiful in it. 

I didn't think it was a big deal to put her in the dress.  However, today I remembered how much I hated it when my mom made me wear dresses I didn't like.  I was a lot older than Bee is now, but as I thought about it, I decided that it is important to respect her opinions and allow her some autonomy, particularly when it concerns something so unimportant as what she wears.  She is her own little person with her own opinions and it is in her best interest if I respect them, especially when it concerns something insignificant like what color clothes she wears. 

I was always prepared that some day she would start having opinions about her clothes, but I thought it would be a little longer before this happened.  I am even more confused because she doesn't protest against the crazy mismatched outfits her daddy puts her in on the regular. 

I love that dress and I will probably continue to try to convince her that it is pretty and she ought to wear it, but I probably won't make her wear it against her will.  Maybe she will change her mind. 

If I can get a picture of Bee in the dress, I'll post it just to show how pretty she is in it.

7 Quick Takes (or the early summer of my discontent)

1.

As the title indicates, I have been discontented for the last two weeks, leading me to be antsy, irritable, and generally unproductive.  I blame the fact that I feel aimless at work, but it is really my own fault. 

2. 

In an attempt to improve my discontent, and the general condition of my body and spirit, I have begun waking up earlier in the morning to practice yoga using this.  I found a copy in a used book store about 5 years ago and I love it for helping me put my body back in order.  I am four days in and I already feel better.  

3.

In addition to the yoga, I am meditating on the Lord's Prayer when I am done.  Much like the yoga book helps my body, this is my go-to practice when I find myself having a difficult time focusing my spirit during prayer.  Clearly all is not well when I am busting out all of my tools to fix myself.  

4.

If I have made plans with anyone and forget or end up canceling, I'm sorry.  My schedule for the next month seems to be in constant flux.  My weekends are also a lot more scheduled than I prefer.  It makes me feel trapped to have every day of my week planned for me ahead of time.  Must work on this.  

5.  

I have done more cooking than usual this week.  I like that.  In response, I am contemplating hijacking my husband's mostly inactive blog.  Unfortunately we have similar reasons for not posting.   He doesn't because the pictures haven't been uploaded from our camera.  I haven't because I don't know where he keeps the camera so I can take pictures.  

6. 

I am pleased that summer finally decided to arrive.  The summer plants in my garden have decided to start growing in response to the sudden heat.  This is good since I only had two kinds of spring vegetables.  Bring on the homegrown food!  (And the lower grocery bills). 

7.  

This is funny. 

I was actually at a place where the pledge of allegiance was said Wendesday for the first time in forever.  I opted out.  

For more quick takes, go here.  I finally decided to join in after enjoying others' contributions. 

 

Goodbye Gray?!

I have gray hair.

Most of it appeared sometime between my engagement and when I went back to work after having a baby.  The bulk of the gray hair is located in my bangs in a significant streak.  This past year I realized I was starting to look like the principal of my junior high, who we all said resembled a skunk.  After this realization, I started trying to hide the gray.

My hair responds badly to dye; it dries out and sometimes falls out.  Since I prefer to avoid using harmful chemicals on my body, I have used henna to color my hair, but it has not proven effective for covering the gray for any significant amount of time.  I finally broke down and used regular hair dye, trying as much as possible to only use it on my super-human gray hairs, but it got on the brown hair as well.  I wash my hair with baking soda, which is abrasive and is not kind to dyed hair, so now I have brassy post-dyed brown hair in addition to the gray that shows once the dye wears off.  I'm not happy.

So now I am trying something new.  According to several sources on the internet, you can remove gray hair using sage.  So tonight I picked a ton of sage, boiled water and let it steep until it appeared to be a pretty strong tea.  I will be applying this to my hair in hopes that the gray will turn brown in a few weeks.  We'll see how it works.  

Here is a list of several natural options for coloring hair.  Someday I might try some of the others if I should ever get my hands on the ingredients.

Thoughts on Motherhood

Mother's Day was almost two weeks ago, but I have been thinking a lot lately about what motherhood has done to me.  I've read a lot of post-Mother's Day blog posts in which the authors were making peace with how they have changed since becoming mothers and I realized a few days ago that I am surprised and happy to find that I have no regrets about how becoming a mom has changed me.

My little force of nature has left no corner of my life untouched; nothing is the same as it was before her, but I am happy.  I honestly expected that having a little one would bring more confusion to the competing desires and dreams I have for myself that would be even harder to realize while being a good mother. 

Instead I find that I have more clarity about what is important to me.  I don't think that I have given up any dreams, in fact I have more, but at some point motherhood brought me the peace and patience I needed to take life day by day and wait to see how my dreams materialize.  What is most interesting to me is that some of the dreams that have seemed most impossible to me for a long time may become realities much sooner than I ever would have hoped. 

This doesn't mean that it has been easy.  I've sacrificed a lot for my daughter and I've lost a lot in the last two years.  Still, she is the best thing that ever happened to me, and even as I mourn some of my losses, I know that I would give up more for her if it were necessary. 

So here's to being thankful that God saw fit to make me a mother when I certainly didn't plan to be!  My life is so much richer for it.

Here's a recent picture of my beautiful little girl:

Better Late than Never

On Holy Saturday I wrote what I think was a beautiful post.  Unfortunately I was logged out of blogger sometime in the middle of writing it and so when I went to post it, it was gone.  Here's all that was left because I still think the comment that inspired my post is worth reading. 

This morning I read this and it led me to think differently about Holy Saturday than I have before. 

Fail

Today was one of the hardest days I have had as a parent.  I made a mistake.  Not that I haven't made any others so far, but this one bothers me more.

I keep trying to write about it but I don't even have the words.  My little girl was treated badly by another child today, so much so that she was afraid, and while I did much to try to make it stop, I should have taken her home. 

One of my weaknesses is that I do not do well in the middle of a difficult situation if I do not have time to mentally process what is happening, and today was a day when I should have just left rather than trying to think about how to handle a difficult and uncomfortable situation in the middle of the craziness.  I should always leave first, think about the situation, and then deal with.  I learned that lesson again the hard way today. 

I am just glad that Phoebe was fine almost as soon as we did leave.  She even sang with me in the car on the way home. 

Lent

If anyone considers himself religious but does not bridle his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.   James 1:26

Lent started earlier this week.  When I was thinking about what I wanted to do to observe Lent this year, I wasn't excited about any of the standard things to fast from.  I have done dessert, alcohol, and TV many times and I was not really sure how fasting from any of these things would help me.

I realized last Sunday that the one thing I have been having a hard time with lately is saying things I ought not to say.  As I reflected on my week, I had James 1:26 running through my head.  I decided that perhaps instead of fasting I would practice the discipline of silence this lent.  It is an appropriate discipline for the season since in promotes reflection, meditation on my faults, and dependence on God.  It is a hard discipline to practice, though, for someone who spends as little time alone as I do.  I can't give up talking altogether, which means I need to be thoughtful about how I practice silence during Lent.  This means trying to keep silent as much as possible when I don't need to talk, and trying to find times during the week to sit in silence.  One of the other things I have done is not spoken about my practice - except right now.  No one including my husband (unless he thinks to read my blog) knows I am doing this.  I am only writing about it to make myself attend carefully to my progress.  

The most important thing I want to do during this time is get myself out of the habit of saying things that are unnecessary and unhelpful.  I would also like to be able to have more self-control as I speak to my husband when I am frustrated with him.  I don't like the way I speak to him. 

Five days in to Lent, and so far I am not doing great at my practice.  I have certainly been reminded that I have very little self-control and that I need help. 

I decided today that I need regular reminders during the day to keep an eye on my speech.  I will probably set an alarm on my phone to remind myself starting tomorrow.

One thing I stumbled upon this week while I was reading that encouraged me was this:

Where there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise.   Proverbs 10:19

Teaching My Child to Sit Still

My little girl refuses to sit still.  Ever.  Especially if you want her to sit on your lap. 

This disinclination for stillness began as soon as she was able to move.  I think she began refusing to sit on laps when she was about four months old.  Since then, trying to sit through meals, church, or any other occasion during which one usually wishes a little person to be still have been difficult for our family.  To be clear, I don't expect her to be still for long periods of time; it is rare for her to sit on anyone's lap for more than a minute unless she is very distracted by something else. 

At Christmas, I decided that it was time for my little person to learn to sit through at least the sermon at church quietly.  I was encouraged by this article, which I had read earlier in the month.  I arrived at this decision somewhat spontaneously during a particularly frustrating church service, when I decided that she is old enough to learn how to behave.  I spend the rest of the service outside trying to contain a screaming little one on my lap.

I haven't had much opportunity to work on this since, because she was either reasonably well-behaved during church, or because we were out of town until yesterday.  All in all, it went fairly well.  The poor little thing was quite frustrated and fought vigorously for most of the unusually long sermon. In case anyone wonders, I take her to another room to do this so I don't disturb everyone else.  She kept giving me the sign for "All done," which I now realize in her mind means "I do not want to be confined any longer."  She does that at the table too, when she is in her high chair.

Today, she didn't want to sit in her high chair for lunch or snack time.  I have only recently realized how extreme her unwillingness to be still and confined to one place is and I am a little concerned.  This does not seem like normal behavior. 

So far, my plan is to hold her in my lap and fight her until she stops fighting and is reasonably quiet.  At the table, I am trying to keep her in her chair until the meal is over rather than letting her out after she asks a few times.  We have also decided to stop giving her any food outside of her chair.   I am not sure if I am going about this the best way, but I want to help my baby develop an essential discipline while she is still little.  

To make things worse, we are taking her to Hawaii in two months and she is going to have to sit in our seats with us for five hours.  I am starting to dread that trip.