Manners

My little one has gotten to the age where she needs to begin to learn manners.  As I start to figure out how to teach manners, I have become aware of how much my own manners need improvement.  I can't teach her how to be polite and kind if I can't model that behavior for her.

Now to work.  On both of our manners.

Open Space

I go to a Quaker church, and in that tradition, once a month the service is less programmed.  They call it Open Space.  In a super-traditional Quaker church, the service would be silent unless someone felt she had something to share with the group.  Our service is not silent, but there is more freedom than usual to listen to God and pursue worship as you are led. 

I love this concept, and have always loved being a part of unprogrammed worship.  However, I also have a little toddler who has not been willing to be quiet or still since she was three months old.  This means that I do not have the luxury of sitting still and focusing all my being on the worship and listening to God.  Instead I have a little one to chase around, shush, and keep from distracting everyone else's worship while I try to participate myself. 

A few times I have wished that we had a nursery I could take little Bee to so that I could engage more completely in the service both on Open Space days and on other days.  One day, while I was making that wish, I recognized the problem with it.  First, we do not have a nursery, and even if we did, I would not take Bee there because I want her to learn to worship during that time rather than play with toys. I realized that since I want to have her in church, she is always going to be with me in church.  Earth shattering, I know.  This means that I need to learn how to listen to God while running after Bee, even though my preferred method of listening to God involves being very still and silent.

I realized that learning how to be present with God during the Open Space service while attending to my daughter is a lot like learning how to be present with God during the rest of my life (on the unfortunately rare events that I remember that this is to be my goal).  Since I initially made this realization, I have changed the way I approach the service and noticed that it is actually easier to engage during these services than in other services. 

I still have a lot to learn, and I want to be able to describe the difference in the way I engage in the service, but changing the way I think about it has helped a lot.   I really enjoyed the service last night and left enriched even though I spent most of the service chasing my little girl and actually had to leave early because of her. 

I am learning similar lessons with the other services, but that is a different post.  

New Blog

I decided to start a new blog for several reasons.  I haven't posted on my old one in over a year, so I doubt anyone reads it anymore.  I have a new google account and I didn't want to have to switch over, but I also wanted my blog to have a little more focus than my old one had. 

It seems like an appropraite time for something new.  After four years of nearly constant change, my life seems to have settled into a certain groove.  Not that I think that I am done with change, but after moving to a new place, getting married, becoming a homeowner, becoming the breadwinner for my family, and becoming a mother, there is a greater sense of permanance in my life than there ever has been. 

From this vantage point, I have recently found myself looking at my life and taking stock of what it is and what I want it to be now and in the future.  I certainly wouldn't have planned or expected my life to be like this, and now the choice is mine to take what I have been given and find the beauty in it. 

This blog will be my reflections on the life that I am making with my family and what I want it to become.