Sleeping with Babies I

Like many parents, where, when, and how our babies sleep has been a constantly changing saga.  Right now I find myself facing several hiccups in the goal of having well-rested, secure children.  I have decided to process via blog.

When I was pregnant with Phoebe, I needed so much energy to get used to the idea of having a baby that I didn't do any research about parenting styles or make any definite plans about anything except breastfeeding.  I didn't read or think about baby sleep.  I was totally unprepared to the point that I didn't think about my not thinking about these things.  I borrowed a Moses basket from a friend, because it seemed that I should probably have her closer to me than in her room for a little bit.

Then I gave birth to a little girl who would NOT sleep. Ever. I suddenly found myself reading books about baby sleep in the closet in the middle of the night while holding a screaming baby.  For a while she would only go to sleep if she was in bed with me.  But we were concerned about all the warnings not to have her there, and Izzy wanted his space so after a month we let her fall asleep in bed and then moved her to her basket.  I decided I wanted to have her in the room with me as long as possible because I enjoyed being close to her. That was cut short when I went back to work and Bee woke up every hour wanting to play.  We moved her to her room when she was three months old so we all could get some sleep.  While it was not what I wanted, I was and am sure that it was the best decision for her.  

Izzy and Phoebe cuddling in bed in the morning.

Around the same time I started sleep training because after days of rocking her in the hope that she would eventually nap, I realized that Bee was never going to go to sleep while I was in the room with her.  She was too determined to stay awake as long as I was around and she was also unbearably tired.  I am thankful that she learned to fall asleep on her own so easily because I never would have been able to let her cry for long.  While she would have preferred to never sleep, this little girl adapted to a schedule so well and as long as we kept to the schedule, she was happy and slept well.  This worked perfectly until a few months before Ezra was born. 

After two years of wonderful sleeping habits, she wouldn't go to bed and she wouldn't stay in bed.  Once the coming baby became a reality for her, she started fighting bedtime in extreme ways and she started coming into bed with us in the middle of the night.  We have tried everything to bring back bedtime.  Success is rare and inconsistent and what to do about it is a constant source of disagreement between me and Izzy.  The midnight visits are less problematic.  They are the only time she has slept in my presence since she was three months old and the only time she has ever willingly snuggled with me.  Since I love snuggles and Izzy usually doesn't notice her, this works out fine for all of us.  Unless husband, baby, and I all happen to be in the bed at the same time. 

Little girl in my bed after joining me in the middle of the night. 

I know that her sleep troubles are a reflection of her working out her place in our hearts now that there is a baby with me all the time.  I can see that she feels insecure and wants to be reassured.  I feel good about how I handle the late night visits.  I honestly usually like having her come in and have enjoyed not having Izzy in the bed very often (more on that to come) so that I can enjoy her company and help her feel close to me. 

However, I dread bedtime.  We have done lots of things, and while Izzy prefers disciplining her for not sleeping (we have both tried it, it doesn't work), I have tried everything I can think of to make bedtime happen peacefully and at a reasonable hour and nothing has worked consistently.  We have a routine and I have done everything I can think of to fill her little love-cup during the day before I put her down and yet she persists in going to sleep later than I do most nights. I am at a loss.